ear Agony Archangel:

My roommate insists on invoking the Dancing Demon Suite, the Two-Headed Godform of Excess every morning in the bathroom. I work the late shift at the Califa Sewage Treatment Plant and need all the kip I can get. What should I do? His invocation is very loud.

Signed: In Bed but Not Asleep

Dear In Bed but Not Asleep:

Bathrooms have notoriously bad acoustics. When it comes to invoking Suite, who requires a particularly strident rising tone on the upper reaches of the Barbaric scale, good sound quality is vital. I suggest you tell your roommate that a slight variation on the fricative enunciation of the Barbaric word (verb: to come, but not to follow) can cause internal bleeding and great care should be taken to avoid echoes.. Your roommate would be wise to move his invocation to the garage where bloodstains are more easily cleaned.

The Agony Archangel

Dear Agony Archangel:

I live alone and can find myself feeling the lack of company at times. I recently tried a sigil to give my cocker spaniel the power of speech. For the first few day, we had delightful conversations, but our debate on the advisability of using sleight of mind invocation in retroactive enchantments has gotten a bit contentious and I can’t bear the sound of his yapping any longer. How can I get him to shut up?

Signed: His Lips Are Moving But I Don’t Care

Dear Lips:

I suggest a muzzle. For you.

The Agony Archangel

The Agony Archangel is pleased to solve your problems. Your may send your difficulties to: Archangel Bob, The Agony Archangel, Sanctuary, Califa. Please, no invocations.